Newsboys: The News
monday october 13, 2008
flinders street station
Everybody’s out of jail
The steps of Flinders St Station are home to a diverse group of individuals, a Melbourne woman, 22, claimed yesterday.
‘Bi, gay, lesbian, transsexual, transvestite, emo, skaters, ravers, old school, punks, drop-kick drop-outs. Everybody, everybody’s out of jail’ the woman declared.
bourke street
Never retire
Putting feet up is pie in the sky
A man, thought to be well beyond retirement age has stated his intention to work for many more years, heath permitting. When questioned on the contents of six large boxes he clearly had difficulty carrying the man said ‘Pies’, and added ‘I’ve delivered pies for the best part of 30 years and as long as people want pies I’ll be the bugger who delivers them’.
caulfield
Kevin’s kite, still
For second day kite in tree appears unmoved
A white kite has hung untouched from a Caulfield tree for a second day. Since Saturday the kite has held its position, approximately mid-way up a large oak tree in Caulfield Park, without any perceivable movement. Through the weekend’s glorious spring weather the kite has remained in place.
Clearly marked as belonging to Kevin (last name unknown) the white handmade kite sports an attractive blue ‘tail’. How the kite first took its position in the tree is unclear although it is strongly suggested that a Caulfield resident by the name of Kevin played a significant part in the kite’s placement.
Although some damage to its structure is visible it is thought one or two minor repairs would render the kite fit for flight.
federation square
Held off ‘til lunch
Half-day breakfast keeps woman satisfied
A busy Melbourne woman has revealed a good breakfast can see her straight through the first half of any day. Sitting in one of Federation Square’s cobble-side cafés the woman, 41, spoke of how she had absolutely no need for any further food until 1pm or later.
‘The trick is to take on board as much as you possibly can before 8am. For me that means muesli, soya milk, yoghurt, strawberries, banana, 2 cups of coffee and a chocolate muffin. It’s a personal choice, that’s what works for me’ the woman said.
Meanwhile at an adjacent table a diner battled with an aggressive seagull intent on sharing her burrito. ‘Why don’t you go away’ the woman shouted at the large white bird, before adding ‘buy your own food or I’ll poison you’.
newsflASH!!
Boy completes paper collection
A young boy has spoken about his collection of The News. Over the last 5 days the boy has collected every edition of this paper, keeping each folded in his rucksack.
‘I got the first one and found out they’d be 4 more so I came back the next day, I’ve been back everyday, it’s brilliant, I don’t want it to stop’ the boy said.
‘I’ve shown them to all my friends and my brother. He plays music so he liked the story about the man who teaches the trumpet, I think he’s going to write to him’ the boy told our reporter.
On realising today would be the final edition of The News the boy seemed perturbed before adding ‘I could do it myself, I could do one for my mates, can I do it, is that alright?’ The handover will take place this evening.
sunday october 12, 2008
flinders street station
I posed for statue in Malta claims workman
Malta born Melbourne man set in stone
A Melbourne workman, 55, yesterday claimed to be the anonymous subject of a stone statue on the Mediterranean island of Malta. The man made his claim while giving the finishing touches to a newly laid paving stone outside Flinders St Station.
‘I was born in Malta, I left there when I was 21. That’s my country. I came here for two months and stayed’ the man said.
Little is known of the statue the man posed for, or why he was asked to be its subject. It is thought the statue was completed a year after the man’s arrival in Melbourne.
‘I’ve been here 34 years but part of me is still in Malta, in stone, sleeping’ the man said. The workman also claimed to save the city of Melbourne up to and beyond $2,000 a day by putting out fires in waste bins with a bucket of water rather than calling out the firetruck.
bourke street
Woman’s brush with businessmen brings luck
A woman, 20, was questioned on Bourke St yesterday following an intimate moment with one of the street’s bronze figures.
‘I’ve always done it, I used to as a girl, I think I got if off of my sister. We’d just run along and touch each one’s hand, like giving a high-five. I can’t remember not doing it, I guess I do it now for luck. You’re the first person who’s ever asked me about it, no one’s noticed before’.
The woman seemed surprised by the attention but was happy to give another demonstration of her daily ritual, adding ‘the funny thing is I don’t really like the businessmen, I don’t like the look of them. They gave my sister nightmares’.
caulfield
Red ball rolls
End of stalemate in schoolyard
The stationary red ball in Caulfield Primary School has reportedly changed its position following 5 days of inertia. How or why the ball moved is not yet established. The ball had held a single position across five days of strong winds and inclement spring weather.
federation square
Nothing really exciting happens to me
Reveller reveals painful truth
A disillusioned Federation Square drinker spoke candidly last night about his private life.
‘It’s pretty dull to be honest’ he said seated in one of the square’s popular bars ‘nothing really exciting happens to me, although I am coming down with a cold’.
arts centre
Dance? No thanks
Arguing couple waltz away from Hamer Hall
A couple have refused to enter Melbourne’s famous Hamer Hall. The pair were spotted on St Kilda Road amid an intense altercation. When approached by our reporter they revealed conflicting ambitions for ‘our Saturday night’.
‘He wants to eat, but I just want a few drinks, I don’t want to eat again’ the young woman explained. When our reporter suggested they enjoy an evening in Hamer Hall both initially appeared interested and surveyed the hall’s publicity.
‘An arts festival?’ The man inquired, quickly adding ‘that’s not for me’. ‘There’s an interesting dance programme’ our reporter countered. ‘Dance?’ came the reply, ‘No thanks’ both agreed.
saturday october 11, 2008
flinders street station
daylight rushing
time-poor melbourne in race against clock
A man distributing flyers outside Flinders St Station claimed commuters were still trying to make up fot the hours lost to daylight savings last weekend. "They're all running" he said, "no one wants my flyers, they're still angry about that hour, look at them".
bourke street
Workmates strike a seasonal deal
store staff won't be lonely this christmas
In David Jones on Bourke St two shop assistants are overheard talking between sales. The conversation turns to Christmas. For one young man this year's yuletide will be spent with family, for the other it will be spent alone.
A customer interrupts the pair and they process and bag the sale. Once completed their conversation returns to the holiday period.
"Why do you want to be on your own? You can come and spend Christmas with my family, do you want to do that?" "Would that be okay?" comes the reply.
The store's tannoy drowns out the rest of the discussion but one of the young men reaches out and shakes the other's hand.
Caulfield
power tools nail slowdown
There's gold in them there drills
The global recession is yet to strike Caulfield's Cash Bank exchange where drills and grinders fly off the shelves. "Buy it, do your job, sell it back, you'll make money, gold dust' the store's owner told this paper.
federation square
i'll buy you a trumpet says Albi Stewart
brass enthusiast offers gift of music
Big Hearted and public spirited Albi Stewart told wannabe musicians that he could help them on their way with lessons and their own instruments, so long as they play brass.
The Senior Salvation Army band member broke off from a public concert in Federation Square to talk to an interested crowd. "If you want to learn I can teach you, I'll even buy you a trumpet".
An onlooker commented, "it's a gift isn't it, what de's doing, a real gift. If I had anything I could share I would, I wish I could do the same for people".
arts centre
a runner prepares
Final thoughts from marathon woman
A lunchtime runner quietly stretches against Princes Bridge and thinks through tomorrow's challenge. "This time on Sunday it will all be over, all that training, all those miles".
"I don't really have a race plan", the woman says, "I just want to finish, this will be my second Melbourne marathon, I'd like to break four hours but that will be painful, it will be painful whatever happens".
She moves from leg to leg, stretching each calf, watching other runners pass by. "Some do it for charity", she says, "I do it for myself".
friday october 10, 2008
flinders street station
pavement floats free
Workman undertook emergency action to save a paving stone outside Flinders St Station. The slab laid beneath the famous station clocks had begun to sink into its foundations. ‘It’s practically floating free’ a workman said ‘it’s all breaking up’ a colleague added.
bourke street mall
tinsel void
reject shop in tinsel no-show
A late shipment of tinsel, the popular Xmas decoration, left a sizeable hole in the offerings of a Bourke St cut-price retailer yesterday. The store’s manager advised waiting customers to ‘come back on Monday’ but added ‘I can’t promise anything’.
caulfield
Slow walk between trees in Melbourne suburb
A Caulfield resident walked with such purpose between oak trees on Caulfield Park yesterday that other park-users stopped their activities to watch the young woman pass.
As a cool spring morning unfolded dogwalkers and joggers witnessed the woman move among the trees as if looking for a lost possession. Over a forty-minute period the woman made a path between the trees on the southeast side of the park, stopping only once to gauge her position.
While park-users speculated over the young woman’s intentions she herself appeared concentrated and content as she passed one of many oaks, reaching out with her hand to touch its bark.
federation square
flood fed square
European visitor suggests flooding of 'heptagon'
An unnamed woman, thought to be from Switzerland, read in a guidebook that Federation Square was once a riverbed and claimed ‘it would be better if it had remained so’.
The woman appeared confused and disorientated by the city landmark. ‘In Europe a square has four sides, this is a strict rule, if it does not have four sides it is not a square’.
The woman added ‘I have counted at least seven sides to this square, making it not a square but a heptagon, Federation Heptagon. Flood it, let the river return, start again’.
arts centre
i dont think about the river
melbourne man insists river and city never on mind
A Melbourne man, 53, has stated that although he sees the Yarra at least 5 times a day he never actually thinks about the city’s main waterway.
‘I see the river but I don’t actually think about it’ he said.
‘I see it all the time, on they way to work, at lunch, on the way home – sometimes I even walk along it – but I never think about it. I never think about the city either, come to think about it. I see it but I don’t think about it. I just see it. I don’t think about it, I never have’ the man said, adding ‘I don’t know if I should’.
THURSDAY OCTOBER 9, 2008
FLINDERS STREET STATION
keira knightley, tupperware and mentos
Rolling advertising lines up big three
Moving commercial signage in Flinders St Station features three essentials – Keira Knightley, Tupperware and Mentos.
BOURKE STREET MALL
LATE LUNCH ON BOURKE ST FOR MOTHER AND SON
POPULAR SHOPPING LOCATION SEPARATES FAMILY DURING LUNCH
A mother and son enjoyed lunch together on Bourke St after briefly been separated by a block. The son, 22, standing in what he assumed was the agreed meeting place realised the pair were victims of a misunderstanding.
Previous meetings had occurred on both Queen St and Elizabeth St creating confusion around the term 'our usual place'.
As the agreed meeting time passed the son began to question the whereabouts of his mother. Moving on from his location at Queen St the man searched the length of Bourke St Mall before finding his mother on Elizabeth St.
Finally meeting the son took his mother's hand and said 'there you are'.
CaULFIELD
RED BALL, STILL
FOR SECOND DAY BALL IN SCHOOLYARD APPEARS UNMOVED
A red ball has stood untouched in Caulfield Primary School for a second day. Since Wednesday the ball has held its position, to the right of the school grotto, without any perceivable movement. Despite this week’s high winds and changeable spring weather the rubber ball remains in place.
How the ball first took its position in the yard is unclear although it is thought to have come to rest at the close of a game.
The ball cannot be reached without entering the school grounds however appears not to be fixed by either glue or nail prompting suggestions that the ball would move if struck.
FEDERATION SQUARE
FED' COBBLES FLOOR COWBOY
UNEVEN PAVING INJURES BOOTED PEDESTRIAN
The cobbles in Federation Square proved too challenging for a Melbourne man yesterday. Falling in cowboy boots the man proclaimed ‘this surface is a nightmare’.
Arts centre
I AM THE COMPANY
TOORAK TRAM WOMAN VISITS SISTER
A Melbourne office manager embarked on a daily tram journey yesterday to visit her sister in Toorak. The early evening journey has taken place everyday for 3 months.
'The number 8 tram takes me straight there, it's about twenty minutes so it's not too bad. I walk down here (St Kilda Rd) after work, I never have to wait for long' she said.
The daily journey began in July when the office manager's sister found herself living alone. Years of close friendship meant a daily visit was 'the least I could do'. 'She's on her own, so I am the company. But she does really well' the woman added.
